Thoughts on Things: Defrosting Chicken

Overnight  

Ok, I am not sure if I am doing this wrong, or if all those food blogs are just lying to me, but I have never seen a chicken breast be what I would consider "thawed" after letting it sit overnight in the fridge. I don't understand it! Most every recipe I have looked at says "be sure to thaw chicken overnight in the fridge before cooking." And some of them even give me some drawn out explanation of why chicken must be defrosted in the fridge, and how it is nothing short of pure sacrilege to thaw it out on the countertop. But whenever I take my chicken out of the fridge, after having let it sit there for a solid night's sleep, it comes out as hard as rock. And I'm not talking about some wimpy sedimentary rock, I am talking about magma formed, pressured cooked igneous rock. In other words, I would have an easier time slicing the granite countertop I should have thawed that chicken on than the breast itself. 

And I know you might be thinking "Well, maybe you didn't leave it in there for long enough." Fair point, but on more than one occasion I have left the said chicken breast in the fridge until dinner time, and still, no even a bit of squish. Just a hardened pice of meat more suitable for pile driving than actually eating. And there is nothing I can seem to do about it! I have tried lowering the fridge temperature, putting it in water, I even moved to a different apartment entirely, just so I could see if it was the fridge causing the problem (ok, maybe there were a few other reasons for moving, but finding the best way to defrost chicken was in the top ten). And by the time I have finally relented that my chicken will not be ready for dinner, it's too late, and I am forced to use the 2nd worse method for defrosting, the microwave.

Microwave

I am not going to say that I am an expert on microwaves. I know they generate heat by vibrating water molecules in food, but that is about as much as I can say. What I don't understand is when I try to defrost chicken in them, it comes out feeling like a Doctor Scholl's gel insert. Seriously! Save yourself a few bucks and just pop some microwave chicken breasts in your shoes, you'll be saying goodbye to foot pain forever! What is happening to my chicken in that process and is it actually ok to eat? I mean, how can something that previously had the consistency of a dog toy cook properly?

And speaking of cooking it, I can't tell the cooked difference from a fresh breast, which may be even more concerning. My chicken has had a wild ride from solid, to frozen, to rubber, to cooked. Nothing can go through that many state changes and still be ok. There is some voodoo magic going on there. But, maybe I am hating a bit too much on microwaves. I mean, at least my chicken is actually ready to cook once it comes out, unlike a refrigeration unit that shall not be named. And it does only take a few minutes, still, I would prefer to defrost it on the counter

Countertop

My preferred method of defrosting, and perhaps the most dangerous, is on the countertop. Many would say this is foolish, "How could you be so reckless, bacteria can grow at room temperature!" and to them I would say, "Come and join me on the wild side!" yes, I would consider myself a bad boy. But seriously though, what is the big deal about defrosting your chicken on the countertop? It doesn't take a week and it comes out looking like chicken, and not a wet tongue. I can see that if you are leaving your chicken out for 3 days, then we can have a problem, but I think with some common sense we can get the best of both worlds here. 

I suppose that is the reason that almost every recipe suggests you do it in the fridge. You will never know who is following your recipe, it could be a college freshman, right out of high school, who does not understand that chicken will spoil if you decide that 72 degrees is an alright temperature to store it at. All those bloggers are doing is covering their butts, and keeping the, "Your recipe gave me food poisoning!" comments out of their recipes. Well, I am here to tell you, come over to the dark side. Join the bad boys club, and live dangerously. Look bacteria in the face and say, "You don't scare me!" I promise, you won't regret it.